This article appeared originally on THUMP UK.
When they're done right, house parties are unbeatable. A good house party is a thing of beauty, a whirling dervish of unbridled hedonism. You get to bring your own beer! You can smoke inside! You'll probably get to sit slightly too close to someone you've fancied for ages while steadfastly refusing to speak to them! It's great!Apart from police intervention, or a neighborly intrusion, the biggest threat to the quality of a quality house party is shit conversation. Which is why we've put this handy guide together to ensure that you know exactly what to listen out for this weekend, as you try and down the Buckfast you've just stolen from someone's fridge.
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1. Introductions to Loads of People Whose Names You Will Forget Instantly
2. Politics
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3. Bonus Politics Round: The Labor Party
4. Your Love Life
5. Music
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But whatever do you, don't try and spark up a chat about the music itself. Talking about music never leads to anything good. You'll either have found someone with similar tastes (and thus have the most blandly agreeable natter imaginable, so blandly pleasant that you'll start fantasizing about defenestration) or someone who likes different music to you and is thus utterly alien.
6. Hopes and Dreams
7. Poetry
Impervious to pain, I desecrate our lasting vow;
Spotted fleas break shape at embankment and the rush of fate splits my hair.
You are coiled empathy,
Little more than whispered memories and empty cans of Ting.
I wish to live off the fat of the land,
And put acid in my father's coffee.Someone just spoke that in your ear, uninvited, leaving about ten seconds between each line.
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8. Rent
9. Each-other
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10. Films
11. Books
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