Here's What We Think the Woman Who Bit Someone's Thumb off in a Club This Weekend Was Listening To

Given that nightclubs are — normally — full of people full of drink or stuffed with some substance or other, it isn't surprising that occasionally, just occasionally, very strange things happen in them. Today's biggest news story involves a club in the French city Brest and a particularly vicious bite.

A 38 year old woman is alleged to have bitten the thumb of an unnamed 22 year old clean off. Like, literally clean off. As in the victim no longer has a thumb. Their thumb was bitten clean off. In a club. Someone's thumb was bitten off in a nightclub. A report in the Daily Mirror suggests that the biter, potentially a keen Shakespeare fan, is, "alleged to have run away, possibly with the thumb, while her victim was rushed to hospital." If you see a woman running wild round Britain with a severed thumb dangling gamely from her lips, or possibly even attached to a necklace in some kind of semi-sacrificial ritual, then please do let the French police know immediately.

Music does funny things to people so here at THUMP we'd like to think that one the following records was playing in the club when one woman decided to bite someone else's thumb off in a nightclub after someone pushed into her friend.

DAFT PUNK - "DIGITAL LOVE"

Already rattled by the alleged pushing and shoving going on, perhaps it was the French duo's timeless paean to the pleasures of having those ten things that dangle off the ends of our hands that pushed her over the edge. "You," she may or may not have slurred, "you, you don't fuckin' deserve to share the sense of wellbeing that comes with having both thumbs."

SURGEON - "BADGER BITE"

Birmingham's master of terrifyingly stiff techno, Surgeon, makes the kind of records that immediately make you feel like you're sat in a dark room at the end of a six day bender being forced to watch the first ten minutes of Irreversible over and over and over again until you puke from sheer stress. So it's entirely possible that the thumb-biter heard this brutally pummelling, no-holds-barred stomper before launching into her frenzied attack on her victim's defenceless thumb.

JAMES HOLROYD - "BITE THE DOG"

Eyewitnesses* claim that they saw** the attacker repeatedly call the victim a "fucking dog"*** while this harmless bit of tepid disco-tinged house played out ineffectively halfway through the warm-up DJs set. The bit, we're told****, happened during his clunky attempt at mixing the Holroyd track into Queen vs The Miami Project's "Another One Bites the Dust".

Follow Josh on Twitter to find out more about the curious case of clubland's thumb-biter.

*There are none.
**They didn't.
***This didn't happen.
****We weren't.