Words

The State of Prepubescent Clubbing

By Michelle Lhooq

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DJ Pampers (not a real DJ... yet) 
 
Any clubber worth his or her glowsticks has at leat one story of trying to sneak into a nightclub before he or she was of legal drinking age. Nervously squaring off with a bouncer while clutching a shoddy fake ID in your clammy hands is practically a rite of passage.  It seems, however, that kids these days don't need to wait until they're 21. New York City is now home to a full-blown roving club night for the elementary school set with the appropriately cutesy name Fuzipop. Targeted for a new generation of "city kids,” says their website, the roving party takes place during daytime hours in venues usually written up in Page Six for their B-list celeb clientelle. According to CNN Money, the hottest six to twelve year-olds are all there, dancing with their parents as “What Does The Fox Say” and "Levels" reverberate through their pint-sized bodies in what is arguably just a way for adults to sip a few drinks and dance to Afrojack under the guise of “parenting.” Glow sticks and juice boxes, together at last. 
 
So what exactly does this brave new world of pre-teen partying look like? Let’s find out. 
 
THE STARS
 
Aiden Jude
NYC wunderkind Aiden Jude released his first single this week, a big room house track called “Tonight,” currently charting at #60 on Beatport, right under Martin Garrix’s “Animals" (which, incidentally, it has a passing resemblance to). The tiny tyke has already played at Marquee and Lavo, and opened for Mobb Deep at The Attic. He even did a stint/stunt as Paris Hilton’s latest DJ-arm candy during Winter Music Conference. Not too shabby for a TEN YEAR OLD. 
 
Elle Morgan
Like most 13-year-olds, Elle Morgan has a flair for deploying hashtags on her Facebook. Unlike most 13-year-olds, Elle Morgan has already released a track and several electro-house mixes—with instantly meme-able names like #StarKids and #BeatsForTheBusStop. The Houston-based teenager's adorableness extends beyond her social media presence; when Steve Aoki dubs her his "favorite," her smile turns up to a million. The Houston-based teen has also opened for Chris Lake, performed for Avicii, and even hosts her own weekend party at a local club called Elle’s House. Forget about entry if you’ve reached the later stages of puberty, though. Only nine to fifteen year-olds are allowed in.  
 
 Kai Song
 
DJ Kai Song at a recent Fuzipop party
 
Fuzipop's resident DJ is the cherubic nine-year-old DJ Kai Song. Already somewhat famous thanks to gigs at Cielo and appearances on morning television, Kai is managed by Dave Waxman of Ultra Records, a dream svengali if ever there was one. He has been known to pop up backstage at some of the city's biggest events (with his parents, of course), and pose for pictures with fellow artists like Skrillex. Though he's been DJing since he was a toddler (really), Kai did have a head start: his father is an audio professional. 
 
 
THE ACADEMY
 
Natalie Elizabeth Weiss


Where else but the land of vegan dryers, artisanal mustache oil, and sweater-wearing trees—Brooklyn—would you find a DJ school for babies? This rather ingenious idea was the brainchild of local DJ and musician Natalie Elizabeth Weiss, who’s shared a bill with LCD Soundsytem and Das Racist, and reportedly collaborated on an off-broadway musical with Azealia Banks and Machinedrum. Weiss plays the role of sensei, asking questions like, “Do you hear that bubbly texture?” and keeping sippy cups from spilling on the software.

 

Michelle Lhooq is an adult baby - @MichelleLhooq

 

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