Here Are All The Reasons We’re Excited For Squamish Festival

From bring-your-own-pizza to cellphone charging, there’s a lot to love.

July 28, 2014, 9:00pm

Music festivals are a dime a dozen these days, but some stand out more than others. As a Vancouverite with an affinity for electronic music, I have four festivals to look forward to each year:

- Seasons, which already happened (got laid *fistbump*)
- Pemberton, which just happened and we're still stuck in traffic
- Squamish, which starts on August 8th
- Contact, which is further away than your summer diet goals

That makes Virgin Mobile presents Squamish Valley Music Festival (henceforth referred to as "Squamish") the next big event to get excited for, and BOY are there a ton of reasons to get excited. Many festivals tout their headliners as the main attraction and yes, Squamish has those too, but I'm excited for a whole other set of reasons.

1. It's Easy To Get To

According to Google, it takes one hour and one minute to get from Vancouver to Squamish. Some days, I spend one hour and one minute playing Chat Noir before I even put pants on. That's if you're going the speed limit, and might I add that this is on 66 kilometers of Canada's smoothest highway. You don't need a passport and you don't even need to camp. Think of the convenience, you fools.

2. The View Is Incredible

If you've ever seen my Instagram, you'll know that I love a good scenic panorama or 4x3 photo of a cliff face. Squamish has just that. For those of you that are on the fence about tickets, just think of the glorious Instagrams.

3. Their Website Looks Good And Actually Works

Terrible websites are almost a given in the electronic music industry, and festival domains are some of the worst of the bunch. The tabs in Paradiso's website pop up and disappear faster than moombahton did. Electric Forest's website looks like it was made during the first 20 minutes of an Introduction to HTML course at a local community center. Remember how shitty The Hudson Project was? If I had to choose between 12 hours stuck in the mud or 12 hours where I could only look at their website, I'd take the mud, throw in some gangrene, and disable my internet connection for good measure. Hell, neither EDC Las Vegas nor Glastonbury even display their event dates on their homepages. Squamish's website looks great, minimizes drop-down menus, and packs all the info I need into a reasonable space.

4. The Electronic Stage Has No Filler Acts

If you're attending Squamish and have no idea what time it is or who is playing when, just go to the Blueprint Stage. From Jamie Jones and Cyril Hahn to Ryan Hemsworth and Boys Noize, there isn't a single DJ performing that I wouldn't want to see.

5. You Can Bring Your Own Food And Water

A rarity among festivals, you can in fact bring your own sealed water bottle (up to 1.5L) and what they call "a small lunchbox-sized amount of food into the grounds. If you're me, that's two blocks of tofu and a chocolate bar. If you're someone who enjoys food then that could be: several slices of pizza, one hell of a Panini, a sizable quiche, or entirely too much polenta for one weekend. Food!

6. Secure, Complimentary Cellphone Charging Sites

If I have to explain why this is a good thing then you likely don't have an iPhone. In which case, carry on.

7. Cashless Payment System

I hate touching cash, I hate fumbling around for it in my pockets, I hate folding it and worrying about crooked creases, I hate touching the change I get back in return, and I especially hate how putting that change back in my pocket makes it look like I decided to tuck my boner into my thigh. The less I have to deal with cash the better, and at least this way when you get shitfaced and lose your wallet all you'll be missing is your driver's license and your Taco Del Mar loyalty card. Squamish's cashless payment system will charge you $3.50 the first time you load money onto the RFID wristband that you need to be wearing throughout the festival, and another $2 to return any money that you don't spend. That's the equivalent of using an ATM to withdraw cash twice over a three-day weekend.

8. They've Had Plenty Of Time To Iron Out The Kinks

My biggest deterrent to going to new festivals isn't the headliners; it's the organization. Squamish is entering its fifth year and that's plenty of time to make sure that your guestlist/will call system is efficient, that your security is properly staffed, that your stage managers know what they're doing, that your volunteers have all the information you need, and so on.