When Your Favorite Idol Turns Out To Be a Rapist

When she was younger, she used to skip school and sell household items to raise enough money to go to K-pop shows and fan events. She even wore a hanbok, a traditional Korean garment, to the events to stand out. She did all this for her then-idol, former singer-songwriter Jung Joon-young.

Jung first rose to fame in 2012 when he joined the TV talent show, Superstar K4, as a contestant. He became known for his goofy and humorous personality and soft rock vocals paired with his guitar skills, and went on to star in some of the most popular variety shows in the country.

As a seongdeok, Oh didn’t just meet the singer and get his autograph, she also made herself known to him by appearing on the TV show Byeolbaragi with him, a talk show where die-hard fans get to meet their favorite musicians and talk about their fandom.

In 2019, Jung was charged with rape as well as the filming and distribution of multiple non-consensual sex videos. The top court confirmed his guilt and sentenced him to five years a year after. This wasn’t the first time Jung had been accused of criminal behavior. In 2016, his ex-girlfriend accused him of illegally filming her during intimate moments but later dropped the charge.

After Jung’s conviction, Oh went from being a seongdeok of the singer to becoming his most vocal critic. She released her debut film last year, a documentary called Fanatic which captures her own experience and that of others who felt failed by their idols. It went on to become a hit at multiple film festivals around the country. We spoke to Oh to learn more about how her experience has changed her life.

VICE: Can you share some of the crazy things you did for Jung?
Oh Se-yeon: I started selling stuff online via the secondhand platform Joonggonara back in middle school to pocket some cash. I walked on eggshells around my mom then because I thought fangirling over a celebrity was not something my parents would approve of. It also didn’t make sense to me to ask for money for it. That’s why I ran a little business. I sold everything: books, clothes, shoes, and a phone—all to save up for things like train tickets from Busan to Seoul.

Some fans would pull the craziest stunts to stand out and get noticed by their idol. I wore a hanbok at a fan event once, just because I wanted to get his attention and see him smile. It was just a selfless hope. But his first reaction was not the big smile I imagined, it was pretty disappointing. It was the first time we ever talked, actually. He treated me like any other fan and asked me if I had just come from a jesa ceremony (a traditional memorial to the ancestors) and that somehow made him more attractive to me. His unexpected reaction sparked a personal challenge. So I kept attending his fan events in similar outfits. When he was asked about his most memorable fan in a later interview, he mentioned me. So it worked, in the end.

I aimed to attend a college in Seoul. I believed it would make it easier to see him. Then, at another event, he encouraged me to come to Seoul—a goal I pursued throughout high school.

Could you describe how your feelings have evolved over the years?
When I first heard that his ex-girlfriend accused him of illegally filming their sexual intercourse [in 2016], I was totally shocked. I just thought he was being set up and I couldn’t understand why people would bully such a good and innocent guy. I wanted to defend him by any means. When the charge was dropped, I loved and supported him even more than before.

But when a similar charge came up for the second time [in 2019], it was harder to dismiss. I thought, ‘This time, the accusations might be true…’ I realized I had been turning a blind eye to the facts because I was so into him. I regretted ever liking him in the first place. It’s not easy to be objective as a fan, but my disbelief doesn’t change the truth.

[When the report came out confirming his crime] I ended up in tears. Not because he turned out to be a shady guy, but because I felt a sense of pity for myself. I started to wonder who he really is—the idol that we loved so much. I felt like I invested a big part of my life in something that now feels wasted. I went from shocked to sad, then mad, and back to sad. Maybe I didn’t let it all out the first time.

Do you have any thoughts on the victims?
It feels like I’m involved in his crime just because I was a huge fan of his. I had no clue what was happening, but it’s the fans who boosted his fame. So I can’t help but feel guilty for the victims.

How has the incident influenced your perspective on fangirling?
I realized anyone can mess up too, because they’re humans after all. What we see of them is not the whole story. I thought maybe I shouldn’t be too caught up in one person, just to protect my feelings. But being a fan brought me so much happiness and that feeling is irreplaceable. It made me want to be a better version of myself, and that’s good. I casually followed other celebrities recently, and whenever it happens, it pushes me harder to succeed as a filmmaker so I can work with them someday. I still have those kinds of motivational thoughts as a fan.

How do you now view fans who are as passionate as you were?
I feel bad for the fans who are super into someone. They could end up getting hurt just like I did. On the other hand, I also envy those who can be in pure admiration without expecting anything in return. I don’t think I can do that again considering what I’ve been through. Taking a step back, though, I realized it genuinely makes me happy to see someone in love. So I’m happy for them, even though deep inside I’m a bit worried that such things might happen.

How would you describe the role of fangirling in your life?
I think it can be a source of motivation to live harder. It brought me joy and gave me energy. I always had a new goal, like attending his next concert or telling him I did better in school, and it feels like that encouraged me to live my life to the fullest. You wouldn’t want to damage his reputation as a fan because everyone around you is aware that you’re a superfan. You can’t live irresponsibly in this situation. I tried to make him proud, to become a better person for him and all the others, and to achieve professional success in the hope that we’d collaborate someday.

What have been the highs and lows of this emotional journey?
I ended up making a bunch of friends while I was fangirling. I have friends scattered all over the country. We dedicated our efforts towards a shared goal. I’ve come to realize how to care for others. And from that incident, my first film took shape. But I’ve become a bit skeptical of humanity in general. When I’m getting into someone, it’s hard not to wonder if they might be up to something like that. It makes it tough to fully give my heart to someone.

How would you define love?
It’s about wanting the other’s happiness to be greater than yours; maybe that’s what it is.

What would you say if you could send a message to yourself 10 years ago?
Take more risks. Missing more classes won’t shake your world. The shows you choose not to go to will become legendary. So go, even if it means borrowing some money. It’s OK to love harder. I might have maxed out already, though. Also, enjoy it while it lasts, because you have no idea what’s coming. Who needs to know the future anyway? And keep an eye on your spending.

Is there anything you’d like to say to Jung?
I hope you reflect on what you did and are aware you deserve this.

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