John Barnes Reignites Rap Career and Saves the World

With fossil fuels rapidly running out, we must hope that the world can find a way to turn online content into energy. Because there is so much content. In the sports world alone there are a thousand different stories about Lewis Hamilton's new bobble cap; Jose Mourinho speaks five words and the internet somehow expands them into a dozen 2,000-word think-pieces; and every 20 minutes, some dickhead with a PhD explains why the new Norwich shirt is an inversion of neoliberalism.

But to power the world we need that content faster. Thankfully John Barnes has come to the rescue, as we always suspected he would.

Six years after leaving Tranmere, it looks like John Barnes has finally ended his hopes of a career in management! pic.twitter.com/oaA7iSdOZh
— The Sack Race (@thesackrace) November 20, 2015

As you can see, Liverpool and England legend Barnes lit up the Football Blogging Awards last night by performing Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang.

And, true to his reputation as the eminent football rapper John Barnes, he was good. Despite being 52 and rather larger than when he was tearing up Anfield, Barnes is not in the least bit embarrassing. You imagine things would go a lot worse if it was Dean Windass stood on that stage.

But the crucial thing here is that Barnes has provided a direct source of internet content that can now flow out into the world and hopefully one day power it. Think about it: John Barnes performing a rap in front of a room of football bloggers. That is basically a giant content-making machine running on overdrive, with one rap from Barnes resulting in a hundred articles.

From this comes a video on the Mirror website with #NEWS written across it, which we can only imagine is an error. A thousand tweets are posted that call the rap "mind-blowing" and "absolutely legendary". And finally, as the wave peaks, Owen Jones writes a blog on how John Barnes rapping can help to tackle inequality. In short, there is a lot of content.

And here's some more. Thank you, John, Thanks for feeding the machine.