Photos via Rightmove
What is living in London like? Hell. Here’s proof, beyond all doubt, that renting in London is a nightmare.
Where is it? In Dalston, though in that way that it’s actually situated closer to London Fields and Hackney Central than it is actual Dalston, but here’s a thought experiment:You are in a bar in Camden. Last orders. As the lights come up fluorescent, you can suddenly see the startling bags beneath all of your drinking companions’ eyes. Donny Tourette seems to be here. Johnny Borrell is patting down his pockets, looking for something. One of the Gallagher children looms mutely behind you. “WHAT WE SAYIN’ THEN, YEAH?” says Donny Tourette, who is always at this volume. “WHERE’S OPEN?” Johnny Borrell tries to check his phone to look at Google Maps but then remembers he made some sort of flamboyant statement about ‘phones’ being ‘prisons’ back in 2014 so ideologically he cannot get an Uber. Donny Tourette has been left unattended for more than two seconds so has started to try and light his own tongue on fire. The Gallagher Child says nothing. A few companions – ”THE TOURETTE-ETTES, I CALL THEM,” Donny Tourette told you, earlier that evening. “SLAGS.” – float around you like nymphs, talking in high elfish voices about the best places to buy vintage lace. “♪ You got to get us in a taxi / pronto ♪” Johnny Borrell croons, suddenly holding an acoustic guitar. “♪ Get on the street and see if you can get a / seven-seater ♪”
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Alright, how much are they asking? £1,400 p.c.m., which has actually been reduced. I don’t know what they were asking before but safe to say, ‘more than that’.Hello here’s a shelf in a room. But no, before you start: it’s not a shelf with a bed on it. We have seen these before, these ‘mezzanine’ floors, hovering and looming over a living room, or something, a special human-sized shelf to house a flopped mattress on. But this is not that. This is a mezzanine floor above a bed. With nothing actually on it. So, I put it to the scientific community: what the fuck?
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