Welcome to BUYABLES , a new series that will show you how to upgrade your life and the things you need to buy to do it.Hi, I’m Benny*. My dad is an editor at VICE and asked if I could write up some of the things I love so that others may purchase them for their dogs. I agreed. What choice do I have? He controls the food and water supply. He paid for literally every one of the things listed here. Everything I’ve ever had, honestly. He’s my dad and I’m his bestest boy. It’s the least I could do.
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What’s funny about that—please pardon this digression—is that I’m told he wasn’t really on board with getting me at first. He and mom already had a dog, my sister, Annie. On top of that they were going through some stuff, and he just thought having a new puppy bouncing around wasn’t the best idea. Obviously he lost that battle. So I’m here now and I’m basically the reason he wakes up in the morning. (Literally.) He loves me too much. (I mean, check this out. It’s unhinged.) I am the cornerstone of the family, light of both their lives. Annie has passed. No more sharing anything. All these things are mine now. Even some of the things that used to be hers.Wait, was that too harsh a transition? Sorry, I don’t do this ever and might be bad at it. Anyway, let’s get into the things you should buy, shall we?
Kong Frisbee
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Boppy Original Newborn Lounger
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Buddy Belt Leather Harness
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Like I said, the harness is pink and sometimes on the street people will say, referring to me, “Oh my God she’s so cute.” But I don’t mind at all. Gender is a social construct. Even dogs know that.