Playboy’s New Sex Toys Get Me Off 89% Better Than My Situationships

“Wait, Playboy just started making dildos?” is usually what people say when I bring up the brand’s recent venture into sex toys, which began with the drop of its first collection last winter. The brand-cum-horny institution introduced an ambitious range of spinning butt plugs, rose-shaped vibrators, thrusting rabbits, and more in collaboration with Lovers, and I shoved them all up my hooha for journalism/this VICE guide to the collection’s stand-outs. 

My biggest takeaways from the first collection included 1) impressed notes on the inclusive, design-forward nature of the vibrators (this one looks like garlic??), and 2) the conclusion that there was some room for improving the quietness of some motors; as hardworking as all of the vibes were, some sounded like the flying elevator at the end of Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Some people really care about this, other people couldn’t care less. But I digress. We are gathered here today because Playboy and Lovers just unveiled three new marquee sex toys in their ongoing collaboration, and I couldn’t wait to hump them all.

On the roster this summer: two dual-action G-spot stimulators—one with a The Matrix-level backbend to its shaft—and an enigmatic, vibrating ring clitoral toy. Would these new vibes hone in on the collaboration’s vision for high quality, high design sex toys? Would they feel superfluous amongst its (already swole) collection of over 25 toys? Let’s find out together, my brother in Christ. 

I sure do love this LELO vibrator ring-shaped vibrator. Dubbed “Ring My Bell,” I tested it first because of its enigmatic allure, and because it reminded me of the meme-inspiring lipstick fish (not to be confused with the lipstick fish character from Barbie in a Mermaid Tale). Ring My Bell’s instructions explain that it is designed for “shallowing,” a term I have never heard of despite my master’s degree in philology, and which refers to stimulating the introitus (entrance) to the vaginal canal. So, basically, a form of edging—which is sick. There’s a little nub below the extended tip of Ring My Bell, and while it’s almost imperceptible in photos, it vibrates along with that vibrating tip to dip in and out of your vaginal canal like two savvy, well-lubed fingers of a gifted sexual partner. Bonus points for the rumbly motor and compact size. I can’t wait to throw it into my slutty everyday carry bag.  

Do you ever want to hump a thick, big, bald head? That’s what “Arch” is like. This flexible dual-action toy has a big, bulbous tip that curves right up into your G-spot, and an external beaded stimulator that rolls over your clit like a cat on a clean carpet—all of which brought me to a blended orgasm. The motor is a little shrill for my taste, but the bendy and powerful nature of Arch makes up for it in my book. I even found myself wearing it around the house like a panty vibrator before humping and riding it to climax like a cowboy. Call me Clit Eastwood.  

I wasn’t expecting to simp for this one, but here we are: basking in the post-nut glow of a blended orgasm and a vibrator that wastes no time in hitting the deepest depths—like, Mariana Trench-deep—of your vaginal canal. Known as “Tap That,” this dual-action vibrator has a Captain Hook-esque curve to the shaft and an external clitoral stimulator that reminds me of an axolotl. Tap That was the only toy I needed lube for, but once it was in, it proved to be not only the quietest of the three vibrators but the most efficient. I can’t tell you how many times clitoral attachments are 1) too weak 2) slide off my clit during use, but the fanned nature of Tap That’s attachment stayed put the entire time.

Good things come to those who wait, and gooder things come to those who edge. That’s the unofficial credo for Playboy and Lovers’ second sex toy drop, whose clitoral and dual-action vibrators raise the bar in terms of gender-inclusive, high quality design, and creativity, leaving room for users to explore not only the toys’ intended vaginal targets, but erogenous zones and roleplay as well. Bring the Ring My Bell over to the gooch, and dom your partner into wearing Arch around the house while they do your dishes. The motors are rumbly, and the possibilities are endless.

The entire Playboy Pleasures collection can be found at Lovers.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.