Two Drag Queens Explain How to Do Sydney Mardi Gras Right

Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is one of the year's biggest parties, a celebration so huge not even the lockout laws can kill it. But it's also not for the faint of heart. The festival raps today with the famed parade, which will see tens of thousands of people packed onto Oxford Street. But where is the best place to watch it? And what should you wear?

VICE asked two of our favourite Sydney party girls—Penny Tration and Maxi Shield—for their tips on going the distance at Mardi Gras. In life there are few things that are undeniably true but here's one: Nobody can out-party a drag queen.

Maxi Shield

VICE: Hey Maxi, what's your top tip for Mardi Gras?
Maxi Shield: If you are a Mardi Gras "virgin" then my best advice is to sit by the road at 4 PM on your $10 milk crate that brands a design into your arse and enjoy the parade first hand. You'll get random kisses from a gambit of topless lesbians and speedo-clad gay boys. A sneaky goon bladder slipped gingerly under your wig is the best option for parade-side fun.

If you've already had your Mardi Gras cherry "burst" in previous years, then there are two gay clubs that are a must: One is the fabulous Colombian Hotel—two levels of fun (and clean dunnies)—or the Stonewall Hotel, which has three floors of pumping homo fun. Either or, I can guarantee a fabulous night and least one or two anonymous pashes.

If someone wants to stand out in that crowd what should they wear?
Well, of course you won't stand out as much as I will, but if you want to take second place, I would remember these three little letters: T… A… J.

Tits: Everyone loves a plunging anything, especially on Mardi Gras. Plunging necklines, nipples tassels or even body paint is fabulous. Mardi Gras we celebrate them all, long ones, small ones, tiny ones, big ones and all those in between.

Arse: Whether you choose arse crack, arse-less, or arse cleavage all three will tick the third box, which is…

Junk: Boys this one is for you. Tie it off and serve your "meat and two veg" proudly. Your lunch box should be full and plentiful, because we all know how important it is to pack a big lunch box.

There are lots of people at Mardi Gras, but there's also a lot of competition. What's the best way to pick up?
With so many tourists in town, I would say follow the accent. There's nothing a tourist likes more than to say they have tasted the local delicacies. If you are a local and fancy another local, sometimes it helps to put on a foreign accent. Locals also like to have their passports stamped!

You're at the parade, you lose your friends and your phone dies—where can you head for a guaranteed good time?
Go with the flow… have no plans, have fun, pash as many people as you can. If you're 95 percent straight, this is your one night to act on your 5 percent. Think of it as your "Gay Hall Pass". In saying that, if you do hook up, be smart and look after yourself, let someone know where you are going and whom you're going with.

What's the biggest faux pas Mardi Gras newbies make?
DO NOT WEAR A BLOODY FEATHER BOA. Either it's hot and you sweat or it will rain. In both instances the boa will get wet and the dye will run and stain your skin. Getting feather boa stain out of your neck, armpits, and head is almost impossible.

Penny Tration

Penny, how do you start Mardi Gras off on the right stiletto?
Penny Tration: Well, firstly I would want to start with a really good sleep in because you can never guarantee when that next sleep in is going to be. Unfortunately, when you're a professional drag queen that's something you can only dream of during Mardi Gras. On Saturday day I have a rehearsal for the show we're doing at the party. That's at 10 AM, which is an ungodly hour for drag queens.

So what do drag queens do on Mardi Gras?
Us drag queens are normally offered spots to do something during the parade but this year the Mardi Gras party has embraced the drag culture in Sydney. We've tended to be overlooked a little bit but this year there is a really big drag show that has about 30 of Sydney's top performers. You've also got two international performers—I don't know if I can say their names but it's pretty obvious who's in town at the moment.

Where do you watch the parade from?
During the parade I'll be hosting the parade coverage at the Stonewall Hotel, with my drag daughter Tora Hymen. And then we'll probably get to the party around 11 PM, relax in the dressing room for a bit, and then our show is on at 1:30 AM. After that I can finally let my hair down and start to enjoy Mardi Gras.

For those who haven't Mardi Gras'd before, what's the dress code?
I think it's probably easiest to say what you shouldn't wear. Top of the list is fairy wings and feather boas. I know people have probably bought them already, but those fairy wings will get stuffed and you're going to come home at the end of the night looking like a Bogong moth.

If you're watching the parade from the street, height is something great. Now being 6 foot 6 without my heels or hair, it's not really an issue for me. But if you're a bit shorter I would suggest strapping two milk crates to your feet, that will give you a little extra height for the parade.

If you can't score a ticket to the official Mardi Gras afterparty, where can you have some fun?
It's the night all of the venues go all out, and put on great DJs, shows, entertainment. The Imperial Hotel has a great party on called Heat Gay. The Stonewall has got great entertainment right throughout the night as do the other fantastic spots on the strip: The Midnight Shift, Arq, they've all pulled out all the stops for the night.

There was talk that they were going to lift the lockout for Mardi Gras, like they do for New Year's, but they haven't. The parade will probably finish at 10:30 PM and then you really need to start deciding where you want to be and get in there before the lockout comes in.

How do drag queens recover from Mardi Gras?
My best recovery is that I'm flying to Mexico on Monday but I know not everyone can do that. Most of the professional girls do get out of Sydney afterwards. For me this will be my sixth night in drag, and I'm well and truly over it already.

I think the best recovery is a recap and a brunch with friends because you always have to fill those friends in who can't remember what they did the night before. And I'm a very, very big believer in the hair of the dog so Bloody Marys all round, or anything champagne-based really does the trick.