Here are 9 of the Best and Most Upsetting Soundclowns we Could Find

Ever wanted to listen to music that sounds like being trapped in your own personal hell? Well now you can!

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May 24 2016, 2:30am

Image from SoundCloud

How do you consume maximum memes when your eyes are filled to the brim with content? Every day, your pupils meet countless images, each one thrown onto Twitter, screenshotted to be shared to Tumblr where it will rake in a few thousand reblogs until somebody decides to save it and post to Instagram, where it will circulate your explore page for a few days—if not weeks—until eventually landing on the Facebook page of some Las Vegas radio station, which will inevitably pop up in your feed after someone you've known for at least ten years tags you in SMOOTH XL 96.3's photo with a comment like "relatable" "lit" or "us" and you'll have to reply with a string of ha has—no less than four lest it read sarcastic, but no more than eight because you don't actually want to encourage them at all given they're more than a month late and by this point you've seen this meme every single day on every social media platform imaginable for six weeks straight, each repost weakening the meme, diluting the meme, draining some part of its essence and battering it to pulpy mess, until it washes up, limp, on your Facebook news feed.

You have seen too many memes. When memes have lost that je ne sais quoi, that intangible light from their core, you are not looking at memes. You're looking at empty pixels. Visual information which cannot be strung together to make sense. There is matter, but there is no meaning. You're left staring halfway into the void.

But you don't need to give memes up. You don't. There's another way. You can still get your daily meme fix. Except you won't be looking at the memes. You will be listening to them.

This is the gamechanger, people. Audio memes. I cannot explain. I wouldn't do it even if I could. We're talking about the single most influential genre of music in human history. Rock, Hip-Hop, Country, Hardcore — all of it pales in comparison to this genre, one genre to rule them all: Soundclown. How do I describe this sound? Do I say, "it's weird mashups"? No. Because that wouldn't be accurate enough. Should I tell you it "blends of funny and popular songs, with the bmp and pitch altered in surprising ways"? Of course not. That does it no justice. I simply must show you.

1. Gyrotron - "Extreme Soundclown Megamix"

I think this is the definitive Soundclown mix. It includes virtually every staple of the genre: Macklemore, who is himself a human meme, Skrillex (more of the same), Death Grips' "Takyon", "Sandstorm" and the Das Racist opus, "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell". All we're missing is some Childish Gambino, the Wii Store song, and Sage The Gemini's Gas Pedal and we would have every single element of Soundclown. Yes, these are the only ingredients we have in the kitchen. Sandstorm and Takyon are effectively Soundclown's bread and butter. "Extreme Soundclown Megamix" is also the most listenable thing on this list.

[Editor's note: I have no idea what is going on. What is this, Izzy?]

2. Milkshake Man CP - "Let It Backseat Freestyle"

This is a classic piece of Soundclown work. It is one song turned into another, but get this—they're an unlikely pair. Think like, Enya meets Joel Fletcher. Or, in this case, Kendrick Lamar's critically acclaimed "Backstreet Freestyle" edited to sound like the Beatles equally-critically acclaimed but honestly a bit more rubbish song "Let It Be". Tearjerker doesn't begin to cover it. This song ripped my whole eye out.

[Editor's note: Hah ok. Yeah this is good]

3. FA$HION $EN$E - "Every single acapella in my collection over All-Star"

We're getting into some intermediate Soundclowning here. This is a bit harder to listen to than the other tracks, because it is exactly what the title says: Every single acapella track this guy owns, played over "All-Star". And you know what? It pretty much works.

[Editor's note: ....... ]

4. McMaNGOS - "Denacious T"

Okay, we've gone deeper. We're getting into serious audio memes here. We've gotten more meme-y. This isn't a mashup, it's more like someone's just fucked a song. They're spliced other clips in there to form dumb new sentences, and unfortunately, you'll enjoy it.

[Editor's note: I fucking hate this so much, I can't believe I'm listening to this]

5. Santa Clausby - "Slaughteryon"

Why is this funny? Why is this funny? WHY AM I LAUGHING? WHY? WHY ARE MILLENNIALS SO DEPRESSED, SO UNABLE TO BUY HOUSES AND GET JOBS BUT ARE FULLY ABLE, READY AND WILLING TO LAUGH AT THIS? WHY CAN'T I GENERATE AN OUNCE OF HAPPINESS AND CURE MY DEPRESSION, BUT I WILL VERY EASILY PISS MYSELF LAUGHING AT THIS?

[Editor's note: I don't know what to say. This is so, so messed up]

6. RonsRogue - "Macklestore"

Here we have two kings of the Soundclown world brought together: Nitendo Wii music, and Macklemore. This song begs the question—did this person think of the wordplay "Macklestore" one day and make the mix because of it, or did he make the mix and simply stumble onto the title? Bit of a chicken or the egg scenario. What came first, the Mackle or the Store?

[Editor's note: Ok but this is fresh though]

7. Yungterra - "THE MYSTERY OF THE M.A.A.D CITY"

Okay. I want to make a point, and I'll make it with this song. Soundclown songs are often better than the original songs they're attempting to cover. This version of the Goosebumps song? Wow. Far, far better.

[Editor's note: Fuck this]

8. CodeZombie & Thomas Ripper - "The Weird Soundcloud Immaculate Compendium"

Let's head back to something easier on your ears, a reward for making it this far. This song sum ups what Soundclown is most briefly: fucked mashups. I mean, it's more than that, but basically, these people are like if Girl Talk wasn't shit.

[Editor's note: I actually really don't want to write anything about this. I'm so annoyed right now but I feel obliged to keep this formatting consistent]

9. Rosey0 - "Infinite Meme Power"

The fact is, you'll probably recognise most of the songs on Rosey0's account, if not all of them. You're so aware of everything on the internet. You can't help it. It's not like you're trying to pay attention, you're just part of a generation that is innately aware every trend, every hit, every meme—even the slightest blip shows up on your pop culture radar. It's a radar you can't turn off. And sometimes—most of the time—you wish you could. In the Soundclown world, every knows that. So they embrace it, and just dive in. They dive in deep. Every user's icon is Dat Boi, and they hate themselves for it. They hate Dat Boi. He's done. Played out. They keep thinking "I need to logout." But they can't. No-one can.

[Editor's note: You're fired dude]

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