FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Health

A Room With A Better View: Conversations From Banoffee's Studio

Melbourne's Martha Brown talks music, mental health, gender, the state of the industry, spirit animals and bucket hats.

Martha Brown (AKA Banoffee) and I teed up a Bedroom Producers piece to take shots of her workspace and talk music making. Then when I arrived at her house we just decided to get real and talk about things that were important to both of us. One of Melbourne's raddest up and comers, she was kind enough to invite me around, and after a cup of peppermint tea and some small talk we took a deep breath and got into REAL TALK.

Advertisement

Rei Barker: Hi Martha, straight off the bat – what is your experience of being looked at through a gendered lens?
Banoffee: A lot less than women probably used to have to deal with. I find that the first comment when I'm looking for constructive criticism is people seeing me as a 'girl trying to prove herself in a men's world, or a girl breaking into electronic music.' We're on a pretty even playing field, that's assumed. I think we can move along to things like skill, and whether I've done something badly, as opposed to doing something badly considering I'm a female.

In your experience is the music industry male-dominated?
Well, yes. As an example, when I first started and I was looking for managers, agents, and all the interviews I had were with men. All the bands I play with are men, or have one female member. That said, I don't think there's as much sexism as there used to be in the industry, even compared to five years ago. I've been playing live since I was 15, and I remember it back then was really hard. I had to really protect myself, to make sure I wasn't being used, or poached for the wrong reasons. I didn't wanna be marketed as just a cute young girl. These days, if you demand the respect of everyone around you, to be treated like you were a male, then you get it. I do wish I didn't have to be aware of demanding it. It's just small things, you know. I'll play a festival and realize that there's not an even amount of females there. But, in saying that, I would never want to be chosen because they needed a female for the lineup.

Advertisement

It's a pretty complex conversation there.
Yeah, I think a lot of the points I make, they're not always right. I'm not one of those proud people who make a point and then just sticks with it to the end of their life.

It sounds like there's an under-representation to say the least.
I think it's time to accept that there's enough space for everyone in any industry. The most common gender-based comment I get is people saying that I'm a 'version of another girl' or 'someone is trying to play music like me.' There's enough space for all of us, we don't have to be competing – you don't have to say 'she's the next Grimes or the next Lorde and that's who she is.' She can just be her.

A lot of fans find your music empowering. Do you experience the creative process that way? Is it empowering for you?
Songwriting has always been a bit of a vice for me. I started really young making music. I discussed songwriting with my music teachers and they definitely guided me into using it as a bit of a tool. This EP for me especially - the one that's just come out - some of the songs on it are a bit sad, when I was writing them and they would get a bit heartbreaking. At certain points I'd realize that it was unproductive and leading me to a dark place. I need to change this song around so it's not dangerous for me and so it empowers me. It wasn't always for other people, but it's a really nice byproduct that others can hear it too. "Ohhhhh Owwww", which is on the EP is a really dark song for me. I wrote that song then every time I played it I got really sad. I had to make a bridge and an outro so I knew that I didn't always have to delve into that dark place and I could be ok. Sometimes with my songs I've made them as little safety nets for myself.

Advertisement

So there's an element of therapy or catharsis there for you?
Yeah, which is why it was so scary to play these songs live. The first few times I played them live I'd get really teary and upset, it was really embarrassing. Now they're just songs that I can play and enjoy without remembering as much how shit I was feeling at the time.

It's helped you move past that in a sense?
So much. This EP especially. Banoffee has just served me in a lot of ways, helping me believe in my abilities and given me self-confidence. Often I will set goals and not even bother cos they seem unachievable. I really made a pact with myself with Banoffee that I would just be ready to be embarrassed and be ok with that if people didn't like it. To just do something and follow it through and admit that I tried and something, not all 'oh, I didn't care anyway.'

Being vulnerable creatively?
It can be a scary place.

You've spoken about mental health in other interviews. How linked has mental health been to your musical journey?
Pretty linked. I've struggled with mental health, I'm not ashamed to say that I do and have struggled with depression for a long time. I struggle with anxiety disorder and OCD. Those things for me got really bad in my early twenties and it shut me off from the world a lot. Having social anxiety and having no belief in yourself, it really limits you, but it also changes the people you interact with. Sometimes you don't think you deserve to interact with people that are good for you. The last few years has really shown me that even if I think I don't deserve it, they still come to me and look after me. The songwriting is linked in a way. When I started Banoffee, I wasn't yet at rock bottom. I was just realizing that I had things I needed to work through. Through writing music and just living, I hit a really dark place and began to come out again. I think it shows in my songs that I can be a bit of a Debbie Downer sometimes, but…
Real talk.
Real talk. I never want to be up there and have people see me and think I'm just performing or that it's a brand. I like putting on a performance but I just don't wanna be someone else, I chose to be honest from the start. Sometimes I've regretted it like "Fuck, everyone knows who I am and that's embarrassing." Sometimes it doesn't work out great like when people ask you scary questions in interviews, but I just can't do it dishonestly. You know when you make friends, you only get close by giving them something. I was saying to someone the other day, "The best way to make close friends is by telling them a secret, 'cos then they'll tell you one. Then suddenly you're both open." If you show weakness other people feel comfortable to admit they have it too. You're not alone, you know, everybody is going through shit. If I wasn't honest about it, people wouldn't be honest with me. Then we'd all just be pretending, and it'd be boring. I've been trying to value myself and look after myself in the last few years, and a lot of the songs help me do that.

Advertisement

Does getting recognized on the street or being on social media feed into that?
Yeah. When it does happen, it can be bad. I'm still really bad at talking to people at shows, I spend a lot of time backstage. Sometimes I'll be out with my guard down and it's really scary, but it's ok. I committed to that when I started this. It really throws me, but makes my day. The flipside of that is sometimes people are like "Hey, we see the same psychiatrist."

That must get hectic. What would you be doing if you weren't doing music?
I think I'd be working in social justice. I have an unfinished arts degree, I really enjoyed the law subjects, the indigenous studies. I'd probably be in journalism or law- based career. I'd definitely travel more.

Cool. On a lighter note, what do you think your spirit animal would be?
Ummm maybe something cuddly, but also very fierce? A bunny maybe.

Bunnies are cuddly, but they also fuck shit up.
I used to say I wanted to be a snow leopard, cos I thought they were real bad arse. Maybe I'm not as cool as a snow leopard though. I'd be like a snow leopard that had sex with a sloth. Their baby would be me. A dorky spotty one.

So you answered an online dating-style Q & A recently in which you said some unkind things about bucket hats. What's your beef?
Hahaha. You wear one don't you? I just don't like the style. I used to like them, then they were everywhere. Some reviewer said that my wide brimmed hat was a bucket hat. It's not a bucket hat! This is a broad brimmed hat, a rain hat, not a bucket hat!

Rei Barker is always up for an in-depth chat, and can be found on Twitter