Without sounding like your parents, sometimes it's important to know when to call it a night. Not only that, but it's a skill. Before you start getting all "nah mate when I go, I go in and nobody can stop me," let me explain exactly what I mean.Have you ever found yourself at an after-party that isn't really an after-party and is instead you and group of seven other people trying not to look knackered, cutting lines of whatever is left and smoking rollies? Now, have you ever also found that just before this "after-party" descended into weird, spacey cigarette burnt silence, you've spotted someone, or a couple of people, saying to the group "alright guys, we're going to head." Have you ever watched them slinking off into the night and the next day thought "I wish I was you, I wish I knew how to call it a night,"? Yet you never do. You never will. Some celestial FOMO from on high holds you in fusty living rooms well into the middle of the day. Desperately clinging to the charred skeleton of the night before, hoping in vain that simply spending more time with people will equate to more "good times." Confession: I have. This is me. I'm talking about what I do.
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Too often now have I found myself wringing the night like a flannel, trying to squeeze the last soapy suds out of it, only to find eventually that it's 2pm and I've got a megabus to catch in 45 minutes or something horrible like that. I sometimes question what it is that makes me find it so hard just to go the fuck home. The main reason, I think, is seeing friends. If you've got good friends, and they've got good chat, the time spent with them feels precious so the urge to sustain it long after its natural point of expiry can be fierce. There's that, then there's the cabin fever. Sometimes, once you've gone past a certain point, the scariest thought is leaving whatever house you are in and stepping out into the real (now sunlit) world. You'll have to get a bus home. You smell bad and your eyes looks weird and you're now going to have to get a bus with normal people. They're going to know. They know don't they? Look at them looking at you. You're gross.That's why I've decided to put this guide together. I'm not saying I want to be tucked up in bed by 3 from now on. In fact, I think making the extended sessions further and fewer between makes them all the more special. All I am trying to do is engender a culture of restraint. Guiding you, and in the process myself, towards a more curated method of partying. Less is more people. Think about how good you'll feel if you go home at 4 every now and again, instead of still being up a day later in a kitchen ten miles away from where you live. Next time you're worried about ending up there, remember the following…
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*Oh and don't comment on this saying "valium" cos that just makes you the sort of dickhead who recommends valium to people on the internet, you dickhead.
STOP DRINKING/TAKING STUFF EARLIER IN THE NIGHT
GET A TAXI HOME
PICK THE RIGHT MUSIC
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DON'T CLOSE THE CURTAINS
DRINK TEA
Photo first appeared here.Clues in the title.Are these people actually my friends?
Would I actually spend time with them if I wasn't fucked?
Where are my friends?
I think I saw one of them leaving with a man in a big coat, but maybe that was somebody else.
Where am I?
What time is it?
How the fuck am I going to get home?
What have I got to do tomorrow?
Oh shit I've got to go to a Christening.
DON'T CALL YOUR DEALER
ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS
Would I actually spend time with them if I wasn't fucked?
Where are my friends?
I think I saw one of them leaving with a man in a big coat, but maybe that was somebody else.
Where am I?
What time is it?
How the fuck am I going to get home?
What have I got to do tomorrow?
Oh shit I've got to go to a Christening.
Photo first appeared here.The night has ended and that's okay.
There will be other nights.
I really don't have that much money.
I will see these people again.
Even if I don't really want to.Actually, you know what? Ignore all the above. You're probably only doing this because you're lonely. Who am I to lecture you? Back to yours then?Follow Angus on Twitter.
REPEAT THE FOLLOWING MANTRA
There will be other nights.
I really don't have that much money.
I will see these people again.
Even if I don't really want to.