An In Depth Analysis and Appraisal of the Taylor Swift Fan Theory That Calvin Harris is Actually a Lion

It didn't seem like we had much business watching the VMAs here at THUMP. We naively assumed the ceremony was essentially several hours of weird looking dresses, Miley Cyrus making jokes written by ex-SNL writers, theatrical beefs, and enough incidents of cultural appropriation to inspire approximately 400 think-pieces the next day. To the point, we didn't think dance and electronic music had much of a presence in the proceedings. Well, we were seriously wrong.

As part of the festivities, Taylor Swift premiered the video to her latest single "Wildest Dreams". It's basically a four minute long Hollywood epic, recalling a supposed golden era of colonial Africa and the wonderful adventures of chiseled white men flying planes over zebras and stuff. "Hold on though THUMP? What does this have to do with the world of electronic dance music?" Well. We thought nothing — until we stumbled across a widely reported theory, proposed by a number of Taylor Swift fans (known colloquially as Swifties). Let us break it down for you.

As you can clearly see in this shot above, Taylor Swift is in love with this dude but he doesn't love her in real life like she does and she is upset.

Now you will observe in this shot, Taylor Swift is sat quite calmly lamenting the situation in front of a lion. Remember that: a lion. It will come in handy later.

Shortly after the video premiered during the VMAs, Calvin Harris — Armani underwear model, richest DJ in the world, and Taylor Swift's life partner — changed his Instagram profile picture to that… of a lion.

Taylor has often spoken about her love of cats, Calvin Harris Instagrammed her cats earlier in the year, and Taylor and Lisa Kudrow performed "Smelly Cat" at a recent show. It it all coming together for you yet? It's quite clear, as pointed out countless times by Tumblr theorists and subsequently republished by various credible news outlets, the lion in the video for "Wildest Dreams", is in fact, Calvin Harris.

What is particularly interesting about the Calvin Harris-lion motif, is the role of the animal as "protector". In the video, Calvin the lion is most closely visualised with Taylor after she is upset by her lover. This has led many leading Tumblr theorists to posit Calvin the lion as protecting her from further heartbreak. Yet if I may roll the history books back to the traditional human-turned-animal of Medieval times, we are far more likely to see animals in place of humans who have somehow been cursed or are otherwise understood as evil — take reformation depictions of the Pope bearing horns for example. It isn't really until the emergence of the lion as an emblem for national pride in England that the animal was perceived as heroic, which could possibly explain how — via literary and cinematic incarnations such as a the work of CS Lewis, or popular turns of phrase such as 'lionheart' — the animal has ultimately come to represent Calvin Harris' protective desires toward Taylor Swift. In effect, the "Wildest Dreams" video is an example of the re-imagined human-turned-animal, transitioned from a demonic figure into a saviour, and is by extension surely representative of the eventual secularisation of popular culture, right guys!?

Once the parallel between Calvin Harris and the lion has been elucidated, we can join in with the theorists and apply this framework to reveal many other allegorical references to Taylor and Calvin's life and expanded universe…

Firstly, the wildebeest running below Taylor as she soars through the sky in a plane — surely representative of Swift overcoming those who wish her to fail, or "haters". Wildebeest have strength in numbers, but ultimately all follow the crowd; now flying high Taylor has learnt how to get over them.

Secondly, consider this zebra. Surely a representation of the media, yeah? Not only do they reduce actions to black and white binary narratives, but notice the zebra is also blurred — something the media like to do with the truth about Taylor and Calvin's life, am I right guys?

Thirdly, this giraffe is played by Harry Styles.

Mind. Blown.

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