How To Make Sure This New Year's Eve Isn't a Disappointment

It's a funny one, New Year's Eve. While you never know what the next twelve months will have in store, one thing you can be sure of is that the very last night of the year is almost guaranteed to be a disappointment. It's not hard to see why. There's no other night out you'll have all year where every single person in the world is also celebrating. All your friends are down, you've been talking about it for weeks, and everybody's always got a suggestion as to what you should do. Those conditions, sadly, are the perfect storm for a let down. How can you have the night of your life, when everybody else is getting in the way trying to have theirs?

Well, before you get all despondent and start calling your friends to cancel your plans, hold on. We here at THUMP are very experienced when it comes to nightlife. We're sort of, unofficial online party planners in a sense, equipped with Bez-level knowledge and experience of going out and getting smashed. So, with that in mind, we got to working out a fool-proof strategy to ensuring your NYE night is just as amazing as you deserve. Try a few of the following, and you're sure to have a night to remember!

The worst thing you can possibly do is build yourself up to New Year's Eve as if it's the only one you'll ever have! Save that sort of anticipation for a real "once-in-a-lifetime" experience like petting a dolphin or seeing Coldplay live. For maximum enjoyment, it's best to set your expectations for New Year's Eve at around the same level as of hype as you would a car boot sale. Sure, it's going to be an enjoyable experience, but nothing to write home about. There probably won't be a tattered Thatcher jigsaw or absurdly hot doughnuts either.

For goodness sake! Don't fall at the first hurdle and miss out on tickets for the big club night you and all your friends are going to! Here's a tip: When buying tickets for this New Year's Eve, why not see if the club will let you by them for the next five years as well. That way you can relax for half a decade!

Uh oh! Since when did you agree to be the party planner?! You offered to call the taxis one time and now you're in charge of deciding when everyone goes to the toilet! Maybe take a back seat on this one. Lizzie can make her own vodka lemonade! Shauna can borrow a phone charger from someone else! Gary can tie his own shoelaces!

Fed up of everybody else's parties flopping? Throw your own! That way you can engineer your perfect bash from the comfort of your own living room. Do remember to speak to your local council first though, to establish their policy on noise levels in residential properties. We cannot stress this enough: you do not want to kick of 2016 with a protracted legal battle against Brent council over a night when you and three mates got a bit squiffy and listened to Ten Walls a bit too loudly.

One sure-fire way of having the best New Year's Eve is to go to Stuart's for dinner! Not only is he a great bloke, but he's also a wizard in the kitchen! Yes, he is a massive Tory, but you'll be sure to forget about all of that once he's got a spoonful of that delicious crème brûlée past your chops!

One way of having a great New Year's Eve is to hire American actor and singer Cher. She will cost just in excess of $1,000,000 but believe us…she'll be worth it!

Nobody like to start the New Year in a job they don't enjoy, or worse unemployed, so why not spend the twilight hours of the 31st updating your Linkedin profile and getting some CVs out there. Hustlers never sleep!

Now that was a New Year's Eve. What a night! You ended up getting into the club for free, the DJ played your favourite song and Craig thought the bouncer was Peter Andre! How we laughed! Something tells me it's 2009 time again…am I right?!

Here's a simple one! Planning on heading out to watch some fireworks? One guaranteed way of spicing the occasion up is with a little game of "guess the firework!" It's pretty straightforward, just before the firework explodes you and your friends all have a split second to guess exactly what the firework is going to look like. Red? Green? Blue and white? Out and down like a willow tree? Spitting and crackling like a tommy gun?

Most people will wake up on the 1st of January with a decidedly lighter wallet from the night before. A kebab — people buy kebabs after they have been out, remember— doesn't come for free! Well, not unless you can charm the boys behind the counter with a cheeky "cheers, bossman!"…or six! So why not best them all and actually

some money? Get out there with a bag full of canisters and a pocketful of dreams. "£2 each…three for a fiver!" Hey look! You're a natural!

Combat the worst night of the year by turning it into the happiest day of your life! If you don't think you have anybody you can marry, don't panic. It's NYE! Put a Facebook post up saying you're looking for a husband/wife and we're sure someone will be ready to weddy!

Just stay in and make a massive fuck off shepherd's pie.

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