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Music

"I Love Pills Because They’re Simple and Iconic": Joe Bish's First Pill

"Serotonin was seeping out of my skull and flying through the air."

My First Pill is a series where writers tell the story of the first time they, well, took a pill. Clive Martin kicked it off in almost Proustian style, and next up is Joe Bish: unfailing cynic and music writer for VICE, The Guardian and more.

I love pills. I don't have them very often, but they are probably my favourite recreational drug. They're like an expensive dinner; a treat for yourself in the mire of the weekly-to-monthly consumption of weed, cocaine and MDMA. I love pills because they're simple and iconic. They're manageable: do a quarter, see how you feel (and then you'll probably end up necking the rest when you start to tingle, anyway). Even now, I can feel my palms beginning to sweat and my jaw tightening. I'll be clenching a bottle of water whilst writing this.

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My first pill experience is probably the whitest thing of all time. I don't mean white as in 'whitey', passed out in a McDonalds gobbing on the table, I mean white like Buzzfeed's '23 Riot Grrrl Yoga Classes That Will Blow You Away'. I was working as an intern at a music magazine, and as part of that we were commissioned to go to Glastonbury in 2011. I was more a stoner than a class A-er at the time, so I spent all my money on as much 'Amnesia Haze' as it would buy and packed it in my bag, thus becoming the designated skunk monkey for the staff members who had to create the on site magazine. I was meant to be working too, but mostly I shirked it to fart around and get smashed.

As first times to mega-festivals go, it was an unreasonably plush one. Due to the magazine's creation of said on site review, the staff were given caravans in the media camping area and, while I had to top-and-toe with my fellow intern like some weird, booze-fuelled back-water countryside sleepover, it was the sort of extreme comfort that essentially 95% of other punters were not getting. I distinctly remember walking past one of the elevated toilet stalls, the rank, pungent stench of ammonia and faeces filling my entire abdomen up, then looking to my left and seeing people camped just adjacent to them. They had their faces covered and were trying to enjoy a drink. I was struck that people would pay through the nose to inhale the piss of others.

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The generally accepted plus side to music journalism's horrendous payment and impending death is getting stuff for free, and that includes experiences. I wasn't much interested in watching any bands. Nothing really caught my fancy, but there was one thing I did want to catch a glimpse of, and that was Morrissey on the Pyramid stage. I felt like it would probably be at least a laugh. He'd say something derogatory about another band, or the festival, or something. Guy's a bastard, it's almost a shoo-in.

My friend who I used to work with, a usually fairly tame person with regards to "getting on it", wandered up to me about half an hour before his set. "Do you want a pill?" she asked me. I obliged. Before you take pills or MDMA there's no way of accurately describing exactly what the first time is like. You can speak to other people who already know, and laugh about your teeth which have been completely levelled from years of intense grind 'n' gurn, but the first time is like sex: you kind of know what's coming but you still, essentially, have no idea. I slipped it down my throat, sipped on a flat Tuborg and waited for the magic to happen.

Joe Bish, left, and maybe the guy that gave him a pill. Likely, to be fair.

The crowd was small, and Morrissey and his band of merry pub landlords took the stage and played 'Every Day Is Like Sunday', and a couple of Smiths tunes. He said he'd just get it over with so "You can all see Bono". I was beginning to feel it. A dizzying rush of total glee filled me up from my feet to my crown. Everyone I was with linked together, arms around shoulders. "How much were these?" I'd ask, wild eyed. "Where did you get them?" Inconsequential questions I'd forget the answers to immediately after. "This is the happiest I've ever been in my life!", I said. But my time with Morrissey was to be short lived. I had work to do. I was scheduled to be conducting a short video interview in 15 minutes, and I had to get there. I left the Pyramid stage and walked briskly, joyously to the backstage area.

After being escorted to the artist dining bit I met my interviewee, Peckham's own scarlet pop star Katy B. "You know my brother", I said. "Do I?" "Yeah, Steve". My jaw was clamping. My teeth were fighting each other. "Oh my God, you're Steve's brother! Gee", she called out to Rinse FM boss man and sometime producer Geeneus, "This guy's Steve's brother!" He gave me a nod. I nodded back. I got my flip cam out. The interview wasn't proper. I had about five questions I was asking various performers throughout the weekend; how are you finding it, what's been the best thing you've seen, etc. The last question was "How do you sleep at night?" She was pensive for a second. My eyes were wide. I was high as fuck.

"Well, I guess… I mean, I do sleep naked". She laughed. I grinned madly. Serotonin was seeping out of my skull and flying through the air, Katy B was telling me she kips in the buff, the sun was beating down, and I didn't have to breathe in the piss of a hundred thousand crusty shit munchers - life was good. I wandered around for a bit as the buzz began to wane. Via pop culture, I assumed that I'd be experiencing a monster comedown imminently and would want to top myself soon after it, so I tried eliminate it by smoking a joint. I was obviously not going to have a comedown. I was 18 but, shit, it made the draw taste real good anyway.

Sure, 18 is late for a first pill, and I'm looking forward to the comments about how great pills were "back in the day", and how much I've missed out. I know Glastonbury is the biggest cliche for a first-time drug experience, and the fact I went for free and slept on an actual bed is hardly going to garner any good will. But I ask you this: can our collective experiences as pill users, lovers of love and conversations that go nowhere, allow you to see past my furiously middle class first time? Morrissey, Glastonbury, backstage access, media caravans, fucking Morrissey? Perhaps it should have been me peaking as someone dropped Girl Unit - 'Wut' at Fabric but it wasn't, and really, it doesn't matter. It was the happiest I've ever been and, frighteningly, might be the happiest I'll ever be.

Joe Bish likes driving minor celebrities to an early grave on Twitter, and pills. You can follow him here: @joe_bish