This article originally appeared on THUMP Germany.People go to the club to be free—to forget their mundane daily routines and the social constructs that govern their lives. Maybe they even want to overdo it, to forget themselves a bit. Those are all perfectly human desires, but what about the hundreds of other people at the club who also want to cut loose? Things can get messy fast in a room full of inebriated clubbers, so we should probably establish some ground rules to keep everyone safe and happy.
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And what better place to start than the Ten Commandments? Since we assume you're already familiar with the basics like "Thou Shalt Not Kill," we've created the Ten Commandments of Clubbing. We promise you'll learn to appreciate them. Amen!It's Friday afternoon, and you're counting the minutes until freedom. You've been plotting out your weekend for days now. Go home, take a power nap, then out you go! Woo!After you've gotten past the bouncer and left all that pesky clothing at the coat check, you finally make it to the dance floor. You're really getting into a zone, but then, out of nowhere… a punch to the gut! What's going on? Is someone trying to start something?!Immediately your eyes zero in on the offending object: A backpack. What, did some hiker get lost in here? Unfortunately, backpacks in the middle of the dance floor are a tragic reality of nightlife.In the event that you're one of those backpack-wearing people, please, just coat check your damn bag, shove it in a corner, or leave it at home. The only thing more treacherous than the backpack-wearers are glasses and bottles negligently left on the dance floor.
1. Thou Shalt Not Knock Into Thy Neighbor on the Dance Floor
A personal photo from our esteemed colleague, Angus Harrison.But there are other hazards lurking in the shadows of the club: Flailing extremities.If you think you're the perfect mix of Misty Copeland, Justin Bieber, and a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance, chances are you're really giving off more of a Ryan Seacrest/Jenny McCarthy- vibe. We don't mind your enthusiasm and free spirit! Just remember that a single flying elbow, misplaced knee, or lapse in inner-ear balance can ruin the fun for everyone.
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The only people worse than inconsiderate dancers are the people who aren't dancing but refuse to relinquish their place on the floor. They just stand there looking demonstratively annoyed, sighing and scrolling through their phones, obstructing the free movement of everybody else.If photos and videos are allowed in the club where you're partying, duck faces and dog-filters will reign free. Along with the compulsive selfie-takers busy distracting everyone else with their self-obsessed ways, there's also the amateur videographers who will freak out every time somebody stands their way. "Thanks for ruining my night!," they'll say. You're welcome, since you're probably not having much fun if you're taking videos instead of getting into a groove.Selfies-takers and delusional cameramen aside, it's fine to text your friends once in a while, especially when you lose them in a club. But you should really limit smartphone use, because it's super annoying to see your piercing blue display when you're standing (or swaying) in the middle of the dance floor.Excess and escapism go hand in hand. Although people try overanalyzing recreational drug and alcohol use, at the end of the day, it's as simple as craving a night to let loose. While this seems obvious, you should get to know your limits. Because nobody's happy if you're shriveled up in a corner with vomit gradually crusting on your sweater, eyes open with nobody home. Not only could you really damage your health, but you could also ruin your friends' evening if they get stuck babysitting you for hours.
2. Thou Shalt Not Pester Thy Neighbor With Thy Smartphone
3. Thou Shall Not Exceed Thy Limit
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4. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Spot in The Bathroom Line
5. Thou Shalt Not Crowd the Pulpit of Thy DJ
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6. Thou Shalt Not Harass Thy Neighbor
7. Thou Shalt Not Sing Along
8. Thou Shalt Not Talk Your Neighbor's Ear Off
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