We are all friends with ravers. Maybe your little sister just discovered Skrillex. Maybe you're dating a kandi kid who you met on EDM-Date.com—who you then exchanged ecstasy pills with while violently making out under the hardstyle tent at EDC. Or maybe you were once part of a rave family along with a dozen other people whose dance moves and names you've long forgotten. Maybe you're even a raver yourself.
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In any case, the holidays are approaching which means you need to spend some greenbacks on the thizzed-out loved ones in your life. (If only so they'll stop trying to give you light shows.) Therefore, we've put together all the rainbow dildos, light-up fur coats, questionably-effective pee funnels, and other forms of glow-in-the-dark magic to please even the most die-hard party animals out there. Keep calm and rave on.A SEASONALLY-APPROPRIATE SLUTFIT
You have to dress appropriately when going to a rave. So pick a pretty (slutty) rave outfit that is full of holiday cheer.A KEYCHAIN THAT SAYS IT ALL
$18.95, Zazzle.comBecause subtlety is key.A BOTTLE OFRAVEAID
$24.95, RaveReadyIf you fuck with drugs, make sure you also fuck with them vitamins. Every brain-damaged raver can attest to the magical powers of natural supplements to keep you from going full retard. This concoction contains vitamins, the seratonin precursor 5-HTP, magnesium, and other ingredients that have been scientifically proven to help you roll through the night without feeling like roadkill the next morning.A PRE-TEEN DEFENSE SYSTEM
$32.98, AmazonYou might be having the time of your life, but when you realize that at some point during the rage you somehow picked up a 16-year-old, you might as well have contracted bed bugs. A lot of raves are all-ages. Keep your guard up.A MAGICAL RAINBOW LIGHT-UP DILDO BUTT PLUG THING
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Price upon request, Toy Maker ProjectAny raver is game for shit that lights up, and surely "The Hammer" here will give its recipient a light show to remember. It's got two force sensors, a strip of LEDs, and can be controlled with any muscle in your body… including your hoo-hah. Dr. Kristen Stubbs—where did this bitch get her doctorate?—is still working on her prototype, and I am desperately trying to find her Kickstarter to make sure this genius project becomes a reality.A FURRRRRBULOUS BACKPACK
$23.95, HussyYou won't lose a thing with this lil backpack available at the aptly-named HussyStore.com. Pro tip: if you need more "storage for festivals" you can cut a portion of the lining and remove some of the stuffing. You're welcome!A FUTURISTIC CONDOM-SHAPED ROBOT DRESS FOR KIDS
$73.61, CyberdogFor some reason, cyber goths are putting children into this world, and dressing their children just like themselves. I SUPPORT. Who needs a babysitter when you can bring your little ones to the rage?A COAT WORTHY OF ANNA WINTOUR (IF SHE WAS ON KROKODIL)
$298.95, Bad KittyYou're probably chilly in these winter months, so why not pick up this blacklight-reactive LED trench made of dead Furbies for a cool $298.95?A FAUX PENIS FOR THE LADIES
$34.97, GoGirlSave your phone and $600 from slipping into the sadness that is a portapotty with this "female urination device." Just imagine how wonderful it would be not having to hover while you pee. As they say at GoGirl, "Don't take life sitting down™."
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THE SHOES SKETCHERS FORGOT TO MAKE
$89.65, AdafruitFor the more advanced crowd out there, here is a really cool DIY approach to some boss-ass shoes. Ary Warnarr of the band Anamanaguchi (pictured) designed it in collaboration with wearable electronics artist Becky Stern. Never struggle to find your drugs on the ground again!RAVE ON Y'ALL ʕु•̫͡•ʔु ✧Tim Slaght is the cutest twink fashion student living in NYC - @timmyfun Michelle was born to give light shows - @MichelleLHOOQ
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You have to dress appropriately when going to a rave. So pick a pretty (slutty) rave outfit that is full of holiday cheer.A KEYCHAIN THAT SAYS IT ALL
$18.95, Zazzle.com Because subtlety is key.A BOTTLE OF RAVEAID 
$24.95, RaveReadyIf you fuck with drugs, make sure you also fuck with them vitamins. Every brain-damaged raver can attest to the magical powers of natural supplements to keep you from going full retard. This concoction contains vitamins, the seratonin precursor 5-HTP, magnesium, and other ingredients that have been scientifically proven to help you roll through the night without feeling like roadkill the next morning.A PRE-TEEN DEFENSE SYSTEM
Price upon request, Toy Maker ProjectAny raver is game for shit that lights up, and surely "The Hammer" here will give its recipient a light show to remember. It's got two force sensors, a strip of LEDs, and can be controlled with any muscle in your body… including your hoo-hah. Dr. Kristen Stubbs—where did this bitch get her doctorate?—is still working on her prototype, and I am desperately trying to find her Kickstarter to make sure this genius project becomes a reality.A FURRRRRBULOUS BACKPACK
$23.95, HussyYou won't lose a thing with this lil backpack available at the aptly-named HussyStore.com. Pro tip: if you need more "storage for festivals" you can cut a portion of the lining and remove some of the stuffing. You're welcome!A FUTURISTIC CONDOM-SHAPED ROBOT DRESS FOR KIDS 
$73.61, CyberdogFor some reason, cyber goths are putting children into this world, and dressing their children just like themselves. I SUPPORT. Who needs a babysitter when you can bring your little ones to the rage?A COAT WORTHY OF ANNA WINTOUR (IF SHE WAS ON KROKODIL)
$298.95, Bad KittyYou're probably chilly in these winter months, so why not pick up this blacklight-reactive LED trench made of dead Furbies for a cool $298.95?A FAUX PENIS FOR THE LADIES
$34.97, GoGirlSave your phone and $600 from slipping into the sadness that is a portapotty with this "female urination device." Just imagine how wonderful it would be not having to hover while you pee. As they say at GoGirl, "Don't take life sitting down™."THE SHOES SKETCHERS FORGOT TO MAKE 
