Leaked Dick Pics From Hacked EDM DJs Even More Terrifying Than You Would Expect

Millions of Americans were stunned and terrified when a new round of leaked celebrity nudes hit the Internet—this time, revealing the swollen genitals of several leading male DJs. Officials scrambled to determine the source of these leaks.

"We've got to shut this shit down," said one investigator under the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the case. "These DJs' mangled, hairy penises should not be floating around the Internet. Think of the children."

The most notable target of this attack appears to be Steve Aoki, for obvious reasons.

Noted pervert photographer Terry Richardson seems to have claimed his latest innocent prey: Daft Punk.

Another photo reveals a studio-session-turned-circle-jerk between Diddy, Guy Gerber and friends. Was it fueled by their latest obsession—ketamine?

It is unclear how much acid David Guetta was on at this time.

The massive swinging bananas of Dada Life were also on prominent display.

Upon viewing said dick picks, some viewers reported becoming immobilized with shame, while others shook violently with disgust. Some even lost consciousness completely.

"Our client wants to say that he is extremely sorry for the pain that this may have caused to anyone who viewed these pictures. We hope that we can move on and heal from this together," said a representative for David Guetta.

Meanwhile, a group of schoolgirls who were shown the photos just sighed and shook their heads. "These guys need to stop taking close-up pictures of their dicks. They're just asking for it."