The Worst Interview of All Time With Paul Oakenfold

Sometimes, interviews just do not turn out well. This can happen because of myriad reasons. The interviewer might be unprepared to speak with the subject, the subject might be bored or distracted, the connection on the phone might be bad, or the subject might just be a dick. When I interviewed Paul Oakenfold last week, I had no idea why it seemed like he arbitrarily hated me and was uninterested in doing an interview with me, other than he is old and I am not. Turns out he really, really, really, really, really hates interviews. I present to you the worst interview of all time, as conducted with Paul Oakenfold.

THUMP: Who is on your album?
Paul Oakenfold: Allen Stone, ZZ Ward, Azealia Banks, Miguel, Cee-lo. A few people.

I heard you were working with Cher. Is that true?
I produced her new single. Produced and co-wrote her new single.

Have you ever read her Twitter feed?
No

It's great, you should definitely read it.
Really?

It's incredible.
I'll follow her.

What element of your life would you describe as least cool?
Mundane things that you have to do every day.

Yeah?
…yep.

Is there anything that, now that you're a bit older, you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a teenager?
No. You just can't do that. I don't think like that.

Well, hypothetically, if you had like the power of time travel.
What would you say? What would you do?

Well, I'm only 23, so…
So you don't need to go back. No, I don't think like that, so it never crossed my mind, and would never cross my mind cause I can't do anything about it.

Do you have a favorite rapper?
Do I have a favorite record? [Editor's Note: This is definitely not what I asked him but at this point I wasn't going to correct him] Yes I suppose a have a few, but I think the record that stands the test of time was made 30 years ago. If you listen to it the lyrics still mean something today, which is incredible. It's an album by Marvin Gaye called What's Goin' On? If you have a chance, play it. Listen to the lyrics.

What is the most lavish purchase you ever made in your life?
A car. I bought an Aston Martin.

How fast does it go?
Real fast. I don't know how fast it goes. I suppose 120 miles per hour.

Have you ever taken it over 100?
No because you can't, unless you hit the freeway, and there's nowhere you can do it in L.A..

What's the closest you ever came to death?
When I was twelve, I was on a boat and we got caught in choppy waters and the boat was being thrown all over the place.

What's the weirdest food you've ever eaten?
Street food in Bangkok. They have some weird street food in there.

Do you use emojis when you text?
Say?

Do you use emoji?
No.

You should, they're like little weird smiley faces for iPhones.
I'm not on iPhone.

Oh. What kind of a phone do you have?
Galaxy.

Do you have the Note?
Yup.

Note Two or Three?
Three. We're going to the Note Four. The Galaxy Four.

How many interviews have you done in your life do you think?
Too fuckin' many. I hate interviews. I'm sorry. But I do.

In that case I will let you go.
Alright, thanks buddy.

Take care, have a good one.
Okay, bye.