Here Are 8 Things We Want From British Clubs in 2016

This new year, you're not the only one who needs some resolutions. The nightclubs of Britain had a bit of a shitty time of it in 2015, faced with overt prejudices, less-than-safe-spaces, and more closures than a tupperware demonstration at a psychoanalyst. Yet from from the piss-stained ashes of these mistakes and misdemeanors, lessons can be learned. With this in mind we have taken it upon ourselves to suggest some improvements for nightclubs in 2016. Things, as D:Ream reminds us, can only get better. So, dear nightclubs, please do the following things…

2015 was a great year for the resurgent residency model. In London, XOYO has seen huge guest residencies from the likes of Benji B, Bicep, and now Scuba, whereas the newly opened Phonox have opted for a full time, one-man residency in the shape of Glasgow lad Jasper James. That's in addition to iconic residencies like SubCulture in Glasgow, and Craig Richard's continuing reign in fabric. Obviously these fully fledged seasons are great just by the virtue of giving fantastic DJs such an extensive platform, but more than that, residencies promote the idea of a club have a legacy going forward—not just looking back. Not only that, but it allows the resident DJ, along with the promoters, to establish an identity for the club, elevating it from a place where you get fucked on a Saturday night to somewhere familiar, somewhere you trust.

What's even in there? Seriously. Did you have a piano lesson straight after school, so you had to come to Corsica Studios straight from there? Regardless, thank you so much for knocking two drinks out of my hands with your fucking Eastpak.

Basic fucking point, but things don't seem to be getting much better so we'll keep saying it. In 2015 lots of shitty incidents brought it to our attention more than ever how steeply the odds were stacked against female DJs. Only, having it raised to our attention isn't enough. It's not enough to simply sit around writing and reading thinkpieces on why there aren't enough women on festival lineups. Nightclubs have the power to make a very literal and visible change to the landscape, and that's exactly what they should do. Book more female DJs. Don't pull any "but isn't it more sexist to book them for the sake of it?" shit. Obviously don't do it for the sake of it, obviously not. But there are tons of female DJs who are amazing, but don't get anywhere near enough of a look in thanks to an industry that, consciously or not, favors men. So book them for that reason instead.

This one's not such an easy fix, but we have to hope that in 2016 nightclubs are able to forge more realistic and productive relationships with both the police, local councils, and licensing boards. This is going to take many forms, but chiefly we need to see an increased respect for nightclubs from authorities. This means more protection for clubs against noise complaints, redevelopment plans (read: luxury flats), and draconian licensing policies that have allowed for spaces as pivotal as The Arches to lose their license on the basis of a handful of isolated incidents. Sadly, the responsibility here lies far more with the police and local government than it does with the clubs, something that doesn't offer much promise going forward.

An unmistakable trend in the closures of clubs is that they are basically all independent (as opposed to part of wider chains). Now this isn't just an unfettered attack on groups or chains, but rather an acknowledgement that the absence of independent venues is taking its toll. An independent venue has a flexibility larger chains can't offer, as well as an undeniable strength of character. You only need to look at the history of Plastic People to get a sense of just how formative a club that stays small can become. Ultimately this is linked to to the previous point about club's relationship with authorities and governing bodies. Nightclubs need to be valued more in the cultural conversation. It's close to impossible to open a small business independently as it stands, and the support (financial or legislative) is just not there. Yet if a theatre is eligible for arts council funding, then why not a nightclub?

One conversation that has to continue into 2016, loud and clear, is further calling out sexual harassment in clubs. They continue to be spaces where conventional standards of acceptability and consent are ignored. Last year The Black Madonna (Marea Stamper) put it simply in an interview with THUMP when she said that "clubs are dangerous for women." Sexual assaults in nightclubs are an often ignored corrosion in club culture. In 2016 we need to push for better channels of communication for those affected, as well as the promotion of campaigns like Good Night Out, which is moving to educate against harassment in clubs across the UK.

Image via Yondr.

A mind-numbing trend in 2015 was the ever-increasing "no phones on the dancefloor" culture. Whether it was on posters, business cards, or in the form of technology like the Yondr case, everyone is trying to work out just how to stop people from using their phones in nightclubs. Here's the thing with all of this, yes, you're right, people using their phones an excessive amount in clubs is annoying. You know what's more annoying than dodging the occasional flash of somebody's Snapchat story-in-progress? Yep, it's the conversion of this annoyance into some weird, pious manifesto for the liberation from technological dependence. People shouldn't spend their nights using their phones, and there is nothing wrong with a club where security can ask you to put your phone away if you're live-tweeting the whole night, but that doesn't mean it has to become some sort of post-Banksy bullshit about salvaging the generation lost to their screens. Trying to control how people use their phones is making clubs look like self-satisfied parents, so stop.

Mainly, just try not to close. Please. There's like six clubs left and TV is really shitty these days, so please, stop closing down.

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