What Your DJ Accessories Say About You

Seeking to cash in big on EDM? The market is awash with all kinds of toys, trinkets, and accessories geared towards both DJs and their aficionados. As with all industries, competition spawns creativity, so this columnist took to Google to find the best DJ accessories that our industry has to offer.

1. FAC1GLOWBOOTH – Buy Here

Price:
$800

Item Description:
"The evolution of the DJ has become increasingly fast in the last few years. DJs and hospitality venues are always looking for the 'next' thing to stand out from the crowd and make their business the best it can be. We understand this need at I DJ NOW and are now offering these amazing dragon products to help you reach the pinnacle of what the entertainment industry can be."

"Gone are the days that DJs require a six foot table, heavy amplifiers, crossovers, etc. Today most DJs are bringing less equipment to gigs yet are able to 'do more' and be more creative with their music. The FAC1GLOWBOOTH is a culmination of what today's DJ needs. A cool looking, eye catching combination DJ booth facade and a shelf area that will allow you to place your DJ controller and also your laptop, microphone plus more. This is a must have for DJs, bars, nightclubs, lounges and more. It can also be used by hospitality venues as a portable light up bar."

What It Says About You:
You have never DJed at a club, your SoundCloud bio is longer than your community college thesis, and you can't stop tweeting about your bedroom studio.

2. DJ Gloves – Buy Here

Price:
$119.74

Item Description:
"Special Note: In the dark place, if you spray smoke, the radiation is better."

What It Says About You:
You're Wolverine's gay cousin and you want Professor X to know just how fabulous yours mutation really is.

3. Flud White And Gold Turntable Watch – Buy Here

Price:
$79.95

Item Description:
"The TableTurns watch is a fitted cap to the art of the DJ by slapping the object of your affection right on your wrist. The TableTurns is more than just a simple effigy, it redefines 'keeping it real' by being true to form, down to the most minute details, available with both a leather, silicone and a steel band, this watch is bound to scratch the surface of more than just a few conversations. Comes with its own flight case."

What It Says About You:
You have no need to tell time, because nobody will ever agree to meet up with you.

4. DJ Disc Jockey Stand Table with two Turntables and Control Panel Play House – Buy Here

Price:
$0.01

Item Description:
None.

What It Says About You:
Former favorite parent.

5. Traktor Kontrol S2 – Buy Here

Price:
$449.00

Item Description:
"TRAKTOR KONTROL S2 is the ultimate no-compromise two-deck DJ system. Now fully integrated with TRAKTOR DJ for iPad and iPhone, add physical control to your portable DJ setup."

What It Says About You:
You saved up all summer to achieve your long-time dream of red lining at door time.

6. Gama Go Turntable Kitchen Timer – Buy Here

Price:
9.16 pounds sterling

Item Description:
 "Mix up your next meal with the Turntable Kitchen Timer. To activate, twist the record so the white arrow passes the 55 minute marking. Then twist the arrow to mark your desired time."

What It Says About You:
You live in Regina, Saskatchewan and you once watched a Swedish House Mafia documentary on YouTube with your significant other. She remarked that you should get up on stage with them and you both laughed. In that moment, you are free of the inescapable teodium of your managerial role at a nearby Tim Hortons. This kitchen timer reminds you of that one happy moment in an otherwise miserable life.

7. Joseph Joseph Kitchen Chopping Board – Buy Here

Price:
14.17 pounds sterling

Item Description:
"Keep the kitchen rocking with these fun music themed designs. Made from toughened glass and with non-slip rubber feet, these multi-function boards provide a hygienic, odor and stain resistant work surface for all types of food preparation."

What It Says About You:
A DJ once spilled your drink on your Nautica polo when you begrudgingly agreed to go clubbing last September. Every time you dice onions, you remember who has the upper hand now.

8. DJing for Dummies (2nd Edition) – Buy Here

Price:
$11.99 (Kindle), $15.41 (Paperback)

Item Description:
"With tips on the ten items to take with you when you get a gig, as well as how to DJ at a wedding, DJing For Dummies will help turn your fantasy into an exciting and fun money-making career."

What It Says About You:
You find most of your music in obscure sub-Reddits and every song in your iTunes has a genre tag. You ask your mother for advice on how to share your selections with the world and she suggests your local library.

9. Kiss Me I'm a DJ T-Shirt – Buy Here

Price:
$12.99

Item Description:
None.

What Is Says About You:
Virgin.

10. Suck UK DJ Cat Scratch Turntable – Buy Here

Price:
12.41 pounds sterling

Item Description:
"Never let it be said Suck UK don't dabble in science. In the name of completely misunderstanding Schrodinger's work, Suck UK introduces their newest cat and box combination, the scratch mat. The cats scratch furniture to mark their territory, exercise their muscles and for sheer pleasure. All similar reasons youths mix music and if you were to cross over both those cultures you'd rather get cats mixing music than teenage boys bringing bedraggled birds back to your doorstep."

"The decks come flat packed and fold together into a simple structure with poseable tone arm and a top which spins as your cat paws at it. Meaning you can sit and giggle in a 'look, the cat is doing human things' way rather than a 'watch-in-horror-as-she shreds-your-favourite-couch-into-tiny-pieces' way."

What It Says About You:
You are God's gift to mankind and the sole recipient of my undying love and devotion.