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We've Worked Out Who's Recording the 500th ResidentAdvisor Podcast

Spend that Christmas cash wisely and place your bets on who the next esteemed selector will be.

Ah, the RA podcast, the online mix series that all online mix series' aspire to be. Over the years, they've brought us incredible aural essays by everyone from DJ Harvey to Richie Hawtin, Shed to Superpitcher, Jackmaster to James Zabiela. Today saw them drop the 499th RA Podcast which means, yep, the next one is no.500! Isn't that exciting?

We've had a long hard think about who might be behind the decks for one of the most historic moments in the history of dance music and then we tried to call our local bookie to get the odds on them but he said he's coming round for our telly this afternoon so we promptly put the phone down on him and when we tried to get some info from Paddy Power that promptly told us to piss off as quickly as possible, so we ended up getting a mate of ours with a penchant for maths to do the sums. If you want to place any money on this, please get in touch with us ASAP and we'll give your our PayPal details. Now, onto the important stuff — here's the ten acts we reckon might be making an appearance next week!

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ARTIST: Ricardo Villalobos
ODDS:
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Ricardo Villalobos was last spotted behind the decks of [REDACTED] doing [REDACTED] with [REDACTED] before [REDACTED] arrived and then the [REDACTED] came out and they all ended up [REDACTED] before going to [REDACTED] for another round of [REDACTED] with [REDACTED] and the last we heard from him he said he was off to [REDACTED] for [MASSIVELY REDACTED] so we can't be sure that he's able to even open his record bag let alone record a mix. It'd be good if he did, though, wouldn't it? Who doesn't love 38 minute drum tracks?

ARTIST: Deadmau5
ODDS: (Deadmau)5/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Yes, of course it would be good, why? Because it would be real? Aren't you fed up with fucking fakes doing the RA podcast? Sometimes it feels like the whole music industry is just a bunch of fakes that don't have any real connection to the music and just want to make pop tracks for Bieber. Here's to real music! Here's to the mau5!

ARTIST: DJ Arch Junior
ODDS: 3/1 (because he is three years old)
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: If you think for a single second that Arch is only famous because he's a toddler, then you're dead wrong. The dude's a fucking legend. Absolute legend. Total legend.

ARTIST: Scooter
ODDS: It's Scooter
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: It's Scooter.

ARTIST: DJ Talent
ODDS: 100/2
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: We don't actually remember if DJ Talent was even a DJ or if he actually DJ'd on Britain's Got Talent so we're not actually sure if he can even DJ but you'd assume someone with the balls to call himself DJ Talent must be able to DJ a bit. He's not called DJ I Can't Really DJ But It's A Good Way To Get Free Drinks, is he?

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Artist: Paris Hilton
ODDS: 25/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Well it'd be a fuck you to the haters out there, and what's better than that? Apart from literally anything!

ARTIST: The bloke who played Big Keith in The Office
ODDS: 33/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: DJ Ewen played Keith in the TV show The Office. Big Keith from The Office gets his decks out and spins all the classic floor fillers for your pleasure. Ewen plays a variety of dance floor classics and is an ideal choice for corporate events, weddings & private parties. Also wears an Ali G costume on request!

ARTIST: The cast of Call the Midwife.
ODDS: 4/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Tough call on this one, so we might have to see how they fare on the day. Depends how many of them turn up to DJ. Could be an absolute clusterfuck.

ARTIST:The Pigeon Detectives
ODDS: 76/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Come on, RA, stop concentrating so much on boring old house and techno — yawn, or what, eh!? Not real music if you ask me, is it, just blokes on laptops, probably reading their emails! You want to get some proper music on there, something with a bit of soul in it! I saw these guys DJing a pub in Camden a while back and it was fucking amazing, yeah? Bif of Oasis, bit of Weller, bit of the Monkeys. Just fucking sound tunes all night long and I got to finger someone in the loos. Fucking great night. Shove your wibbly wobbly Aphex Twin bollocks up your arse.

ARTIST: You
ODDS: 7,000,000,000/1
WOULD IT ACTUALLY BE GOOD: Everyone's a DJ now so you might as well do it, mate.

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